I prefer the recoil of the FNP-45 over the FNP-40. Thats not to say the recoil is strong with the .40, the .45 is like a slow "shove" to the rear while the .40 has more of the characteristic "snap" the round is known for. The FNP in both chamberings is a big gun and keeps the recoil to a minimum compared to some other pistols. The .45 is very controllable and with FN's downright brilliant idea of making it hold 14 rounds you aren't losing any capacity either.
If you really want a .40 caliber pistol, buy an HK. HK makes the .40 feel like a 9mm. Nothing handles the recoil of the .40 better then a HK USP as the pistol was designed around the .40S&W cateridge. Most other .40 caliber pistols are simply "scaled up" 9mm's. I really love the .40... as long as it's an HK.
In contrast, the Glock 23 in .40 is probably the "snappiest" .40 caliber pistol I have shot. It seems as if it transfers all the recoil directly to the shooter. I'll take my Glocks in 9mm and leave the .40 to other platforms.
The 9mm is the "bread and butter" and is pleasure to shoot. If it's your first handgun, whatever gun you purchase, get the 9mm. Cheap ammo means more practice. Also, the 9mm round is still perfectly adequate for self-defense as well. :?