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Alright, I realize we have a dedicated joke thread but I need some assistance and fast!!! My Father has been tasked with being the MC at a wedding this evening and we need some good clean Canadian jokes.

Guys, your help is appreciated, lets get to it!
 

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I'd down a 12 pack of Molson, crank the theme from Bob and Doug McKenzie's "Great White North" and fling Canadian bacon slices at them until they apologize for Justin Bieber. Of course, I don't get invited to many weddings.



Sorry, I know that wasn't helpful at all, but I have poor impulse control.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
thanks gents!

Akita- I would never expect you to stay on task.... You cant help it, we understand.
 

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An American, a Scotsman and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident.
They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived.
Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present
asked him what happened. "Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scotsman and I
were standing at the gates of heaven. St.Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here."
"That's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"
"Last I saw them," replied the American," the Scotsman was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to
pay his."
 

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YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM CANADA WHEN ...

1. You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.

2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

3. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.

4. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

5. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.

6. You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.

7. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.

8. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

9. You find -40C a little chilly.

10. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.

11. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelery and your Sorels.

12. You understand the Labatts Blue commercials.

13. You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada".
 

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Three men were traveling in Europe and happened to meet at a bar in London. One man was from England, one from France and one from Canada. They got acquainted and started talking about their problems with their wives.

The guy from England began by saying: "I told my wife in no uncertain terms that from now on she would have to do the cooking. Well the first day after I told her, I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing. But on the third day when I came home from work, the table was set, a wonderful dinner was prepared with wine and even dessert."

Then the man from France spoke up: "I sat my wife down and told her, that from now on she would have to do all the shopping, and also do the cleaning. The first day I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing. But on the third day when I came home, the whole house was spotless, and in the pantry the shelves were filled with groceries.

The fellow from Canada was married to an enlightened woman from the prairies... He sat up straight on the bar stool, pushed out his chest and said: "I gave my wife a stern look and told her, that from now on she would have to do the cooking, shopping and housecleaning. Well the first day I saw nothing. The second day I still saw nothing. But on the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye ..."
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Thanks gentleman. I used a few from the posts above...

Mods: you may lock this thread or leave it running. Thanks to Jhs for editing the title.
 
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